For years I’ve joked that the worse I look, the more people find me attractive.  I don’t know why that is or how it works, but it does.  If I don’t shower, if I go out wearing my sweats, if my hair is back in a pony tail, those are the days when I find men checking me out, people smiling at me from across rooms, and a general feeling of being well liked. Meanwhile, when I spend hours curling my hair, putting on makeup, and picking out the right outfit, I’m pretty much guaranteed to stand by myself.  Weird, but pretty accurate.

Today this went into a new direction.  This morning I had a list of errands to run.  For some reason, I decided to start this all by going to the Y.  Yes, I decided to exercise before running around town.  Because I knew I’d be working out, I didn’t shower this morning.  Instead, I pulled my hair back into pig tails and tossed a headband on to cover up the grossness.

Two sports bras (yes, two), a stained tank top, and my workout pants and I was ready to rock.  I did my 45-minute workout and while I can say that I felt great afterwards, I didn’t look so hot.

Then came two different stores before walking through the Wal-Mart frozen food aisle.  This is where our story takes place.  As I was perusing the frozen pizzas, staring at them longingly, a tall, good looking man with ripling tattoos and a faux hawk walked by.

He turned to me, and with no lead in, no preamble, said, “You look radiant, by the way,” and then walked off with a smile.

Radiant. Radiant?  Really?  I think my “glow” was the sheen of sweat from the 85 degree weather outside, but other than that I don’t really know where that came from.  In 27 years I’ve never been called radiant and today, looking like this, I heard in standing in front the Stouffer’s frozen meals.

I had a moment or two feeling weirded out.  Then I began wondering if someone was behind me.  Then I thought maybe he was stoned.  Then I decided to shut up and take the compliment.

Apparently, I look radiant today.

Ok, I know that death is a part of life.  I know the song, I remember Mufasa’s kindly explanation about the circle and all.  I get it.  Still, can we please take a moment and just stop with all the dying?  This is getting a little absurd.

First, Farrah Fawcett.  Not one of my favorite stars, I grant you, but her hair has been an inspiration to all of us.  That’s quite a feat, wouldn’t you agree?

Then we lost The King of Pop.  Another icon.  In fact, the first big icon of my childhood to go.  If you were an 80s baby, you grew up with Rainbow Brite, Care Bears, and Michael Jackson.  End of story.

As we were reeling from these shocks, then comes the death of everyone’s favorite obnoxious infomercial pitch guy. 

But wait, there’s more. 

Today Karl Malden and Harve Presnell both died.  For those of you not as instinctively familiar (or some might say obsessed) with the old movies and Broadway musicals as I am, Malden played opposite Marlin Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire and won my heart as Herbie in Gypsy.  Presnell played Johnny in The Unsinkable Molly Brown, both the movie and the show.

And for kicks let’s throw in Ed MacMahon and David Carradine.  Because we didn’t have enough death on the news.

I’m trying to figure this out.  Is Death fulfilling some sort of quota?  Is there a sicko scavenger hunt that he and the other Incarnations are participating in?  Is Fate even now out searching for an icon from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and who knows what else that made it on to the list?

Maybe it’s nothing so macabre as a game that the otherworldly entities are playing.  Maybe Death just thought, “Hey, I’m in the neighborhood.”  I can only imagine that travel in a large black cape, complete with hood and scythe, would draw unwanted attention to our harbinger of doom.  Better to knock out as much at one time as possible rather than rack up the miles by making more trips than necessary.

Given the rate at which our movie stars of yesteryear and icons of yesterday are dropping, who could possibly still be safe?  Am I going to turn on the television and see that a herd of My Little Ponies was in a plane crash with the cast of Singin’ in the Rain? (Yes, I know most of that cast is already dead but I’m trying to make a point here.)

My point is that I’m fed up with this nonsense.  Turmoil in Central America, drama in the Middle East, politicians getting caught doing what politicians get caught doing, Top Chef Masters is on hold for another week, and I’m out of ice cream.  I can’t take any more of this stress.

Whew!  I feel a little better now.  Thanks.  

It’s come to my attention that I haven’t been here much lately.  I have a good excuse, though.  No, it’s not that I’ve been too busy.  It’s not that I haven’t had too much to say (though that’s certainly true to a point).  It’s that I’ve been sort of down in the dumps lately and I am trying to get away from writing anything too depressing.  I’d rather not be moping all the time.

That said, I have started several post, which for one reason or another, haven’t quite made the cut.  For instance, I began writing a detailed analysis of my most recent birthday.  I discussed aging, life goals, etc.  However, talking about my birthday made me feel old.  And unaccomplished.  Neither of which I am, I might add.  It also made me talk about how I chose to celebrate this birthday, which led to a conversation about my best friend, which led to a conversation about her move, which led to tears and I felt that was best avoided.

Yes, Johanna has moved away.  It sucks and I will not be discussing it.  At least not for a while.  It’s not a good thing.

I also began a really well-thought out post on boycotting The Olive Garden.  After the David Letterman/Sarah Palin fiasco of last week, I had heard that The OG was planning on pulling their ads for the rest of the year.  My thoughts on this were urbane, funny, and intelligent.  Then I found out that the initial story was wrong and that The OG was, in fact, just nearing the end of their contract with the show.  If they choose not to renew and site Palin as part of the reason why, then maybe you’ll see the brilliant thoughts I put together.  Now, however, it would just be silly.

I am around.  I do that thoughts to share.  I’ve just been too upset.  It felt like the move affected everything else and made it too unpleasant to write anything.  I do have some interesting musing floating about.  I have some thoughts on cereal, which came to me today while grocery shopping.  I have a few notions about the joy of community theater and how you can tell when you’re working with a lovely, if not terribly professional troupe.  I also have a short story that was nearly published.  Granted, it was rejected, but they still liked it and I have received very positive comments on it.

So all of that is in the works.  In the mean time, I’m just trying to shake off my funk so as to not bore you all with my whining.  Fun stuff to follow.

Honest.

Let’s begin with the less than impressive start to my day.  I over slept, quickly showered, and hoped that I was convincing as a grown up editor as I ran out of the house with hair pulled back into pig tails.  Because nothing says, “Look out world” like pig tails.

I got to work a few minutes late and realized that I’d forgotten my handy ID badge.  You know, the one that lets me in the building.  So far, I’m a rock star.

Then comes a harried morning of furious editorial work.  This part, I was actually good at.  I’m getting more comfortable at work and I was feeling pretty tough.  What can I say?  I’m a bad ass when I’m wielding my red pen.

Lunch brought some errands and the catalyst moment of my day.  For those who don’t live in lovely Colorado, the last few days have seen some pretty consistent bad weather.  There has been rain, wind, clouds… and thunder.  Lots of thunder.

It’s important that you grasp this thunder concept, ok?  Thunder that was low, rumbling, and frequent.  I am emphasizing this because it’s important that you understand that I am actually a bright girl.  I was smart in school.  I have a smart-sounding job.  Please keep this all in mind as I share this next moment of earth-shattering brilliance with you.

As I was running my errands I noticed a familiar sound.  The low, rumbling sound of thunder was once again accompanying my driving.  Oddly enough, there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.  As I slowly pushed on my brake to come to a complete stop and the thunder increased until I lifted my foot, I had an inkling that something was not right.  I drove on and stopped again.  Again, I heard thunder.

It took several stops for me to realize that perhaps said thunder was actually my car.  Yeah, it really did take that long for me to realize what was going on.  Still, I’m positive.  I’m optimistic.  I pull my thundering beast into the Walmart parking lot and dash in for a little brake fluid.  I even put it in the car there in the parking lot.  For those who know me, the fact that I knew where to put the brake fluid is pretty impressive.

Unfortunately, the thundering brakes were not appeased.  Instead, they just seemed to mock me with a tone of, “Really? That’s all you’ve got?”

So I pulled back into my parking lot, ate my late lunch, and stewed over the future of my thundering beast.  Meanwhile, there were still several hours of work to go and a looming rehearsal for which I was in no way prepared.

A few hours, and some shared coworker grumbling (what is it about grown up people that they forget that they have to turn their damn homework in on time?!), I climbed fretfully back into the beast and slowly drove to the local Midas.

One again, I’m optimistic.  What’s a 45-minute wait followed by a check for $100?  Not bad for my thundering baby.  Naivety is only cute when you’re a kid.

Yes, I had a 45-minute wait during which they examined my car.  I was walked back to the exam room and saw my baby up on stilts with her brake drums lying about the floor like a bra in a frat house.   I was given a detailed explanation about the damage to the front brakes.  New pads, new shoes, new hardware, and some sort of fancy-schmancy car thing to keep the brakes a bit more balanced.

Then we walked around to the back.  For those of you feint of heart or those possessing weak stomachs, turn back now.  I saw, directly beneath what should have been a driver’s side brake, a pile of crumbled black mess.  What was left of my brake had apparently disintegrated and when they removed the drum, she just couldn’t take it and fell apart.  I laughed and called it impressive.  The mechanic raised a quizzical eyebrow and said that he thought that was an interesting perspective.

We made the final turn to the other back brake only to see that the drum wasn’t even off.  Apparently, she was clinging to that drum with the rusted strength of a small army.  Yeah, after 45 minutes, they couldn’t even get the drum off.

So then I was walked back to the compulsively neat waiting room, where I proceeded to read my script while waiting for the price information.  I stood when the mechanic entered.  He looked at me and said, “Miss, you’re going to want to sit down for this.”

Oh, I’m sure you can imagine the thrill that went through me at those words.  We walked me line by line through the $800 bill and I made some phone calls.  First, to find a way home and to rehearsal, second, to my dad to see if the $800 made sense.  I’m not proud.  I thought my dying brakes were thunder that just happened to kick in when I was stopping.  I knew I needed some help. He spoke to the Midas guy and reluctantly agreed that yes, my car really did need all of it.

I contacted the theater people, found a ride, and then proceeded to try very hard not to break down at the brake place.  It just seemed a little too girly to start bawling at the auto repair shop, you know?

So I manned up, borrowed a car, made it to rehearsal, came home, and went out for a beer.

It was one those days.  Again.

Ah, the complexities of Dirty Old Men (DOM). First, they disarm their prey by masquerading as sweet, lonely old men, looking for a little companionship. Then, when the prey is disarmed by stories of “the good old days,” the DOM claws come out.

A few compliments here and there to strip away defenses and suddenly the prey is confused, disoriented, and intrigued.

At this point the DOM has two possible options: strike or disappear into the wild.

Stay tuned to see how this exciting episode continues.

Because yes, it continues.

It’s over.  The glamor, the glitz, the fun.  It’s finished for another year.  Sigh.  But don’t despair, friends!  The Tony madness can continue on a bit longer.  We still have the post-Tony posts, right?

Click on a show title for more information about the production. When you click on a name, you will get the complete Broadway credits from Internet Broadway Database. Each show link will provide you with the information about the play as well as providing a link (where available) to the show’s official site.

Best Play:
God of Carnage
This show looked pretty fantastic.  Some truly talented artists performed in this piece.  I think I may have to find it and read it soon.

Best Musical:
Billy Elliot, The Musical
This show won a ton of awards.  This is the only time you’ll see it linked, but don’t be surprised when you see it listed about a dozen more times.

Best Book of a Musical:
Billy Elliot, The Musical

Best Original Score (Music and/or Lyrics) Written for the Theatre:
Next to Normal
The performance of this show at the Tonys took my breath away.  I think it looks a little intense, but I must have it.

Best Revival of a Play:
The Norman Conquests
This show actually has three parts.  This link is to the first of the three.

Best Revival of a Musical:
Hair
Somehow this show is always powerful.  I don’t understand it, but it’s moving each and every time. You can’t help but sing along.

Best Special Theatrical Event:
Liza’s at The Palace Winner
Who saw that coming?  What can I say?  In my heart of hearts, even though she weirds me out, I love Liza.

Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Play:
Geoffrey Rush - Exit the King
I loved his speech.  He is a great character actor on screen and I’m delighted to hear that he carried it off on stage.

Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Play:
Marcia Gay Harden - God of Carnage
She strikes me as someone I’d like to get to know.  I know I’ve loved her in several movies over the years.  And she was in Angels in America, Millennium Approaches.  That’s pretty awesome.

Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical:
David Alvarez, Trent Kowalik, and Kiril Kulish - Billy Elliot, The Musical
Yes, the three boys all won.  I think that is a Tony first.  And they were so freaking cute making their speech!

Best Performance by a Leading Actress in a Musical:
Alice Ripley - Next to Normal
I love her.  I fell for her as a singer when she was in Side Show, a show in which she played a conjoined twin.  Yes, a conjoined twin.

Best Performance by a Featured Actor in a Play -
Roger Robinson - Joe Turner’s Come and Gone
This is the show the Obama’s went to see not too long ago.  Excellent taste, apparently.

Best Performance by a Featured Actress in a Play
Angela Lansbury - Blithe Spirit
She is now one of only two women ever to win five Tony Awards.  She just rocks my little theater world.

Best Performance by a Featured Actor in a Musical:
Gregory Jbara - Billy Elliot, The Musical
He actually brought his wife on stage with him for his speech.  He’s a great actor and you all may have seen him in some cholesterol commercials or as the weird brother in In and Out.

Best Performance by a Featured Actress in a Musical:
Karen Olivo - West Side Story
She’s been on Broadway a while, but I fell for her last year as Vanessa in In the Heights.

Best Direction of a Play:
Matthew Warchus - God of Carnage
Talk about impressive!  Nominated twice in the same category for directing two shows, one of which actually has three parts.  And while accepting his award for this play, acknowledged the cast of his other as well. Well done, Matthew.

Best Direction of a Musical:
Stephen Daldry - Billy Elliot, The Musical
Seems only fair considering how well the show did.

Best Choreography:
Peter Darling - Billy Elliot, The Musical
Usually the showcase the singing in a show at the Tonys.  Billy Elliot is a dancing show and the choreography I saw that night proved to me that this man certainly earned his Tony.

Best Orchestrations:
Martin Koch - Billy Elliot, The Musical
Michael Starobin and Tom Kitt - Next to Normal
Yep. A tie!

Best Scenic Design of a Play:
Derek McLane - 33 Variations
Believe it or not, I’m running out of opinions.

Best Scenic Design of a Musical:
Ian MacNeil - Billy Elliot, The Musical
Ditto.

Best Costume Design of a Play:
Anthony Ward - Mary Stuart
Pretty impressive show to costume, don’t you think?

Best Costume Design of a Musical:
Tim Hatley - Shrek The Musical
Hats off to the guy who created the Shrek costume.  Not an easy job, I think.

Best Lighting Design of a Play:
Brian MacDevitt - Joe Turner’s Come and Gone
Look at this man’s list of credits.  Damn!

Best Lighting Design of a Musical:
Rick Fisher - Billy Elliot, The Musical
We expected them to win a lot, but holy cow!

Best Sound Design of a Play:
Gregory Clarke - Equus
I think this is the only thing the show won, but it was very well reviewed.

Best Sound Design of a Musical:
Paul Arditti - Billy Elliot, The Musical
He actually did the sound design for more than one nominated show.  Well done, indeed.

Special Tony Award® for Lifetime Achievement in the Theatre:
Jerry Herman
What an illustrious career he has had.  I admire him so much and love his work.  The man rocks.

Regional Theatre Tony Award®:
Signature Theatre, Arlington, Va.

Isabelle Stevenson Award:
Phyllis Newman

Tony Honors for Excellence in the Theatre:
Shirley Herz

And there it is. The year has wrapped up but next year is just a few months away.  Ok, so 12, but I’m looking for the happy.  Thanks for holding up against the crazy again!

Ok, so a detailed post is to follow, but I had to tell you all Happy Tony Day!

The menu this year is focused on favorite foods so it’s an eclecctic spread featuring Kraft mac and cheese, baked brie en croute, and New York cheesecake, just to name a few items. 

The shows look fantastic and I’m putting my bets on Next to Normal and BIlly Elliot for the big musical winners. 

Some of my all-time favorite actors will be presenting and singing for us.  Brian Stokes Mitchell will be co-hosting the pre-Tony awards.  Niel Patrick Harris will be running the show.  Could it get better?  Really?  I don’t think so.

I cannot wait and I will keep you updated on the Kari Tony Crazy as the day progresses.  Helmets on, everyone!

Dinner date with a 60+ year old man on Friday and a Mighty Kid’s Meal from McDonald’s on Monday. Makes perfect sense.

I got the Amelia Earhart toy!

Does this sound at all familiar?

Creepy old guy?  Silly young woman?  He acts as though perhaps he doesn’t know the town at all, maybe he reaches out to her.  She, thinking he’s a poor old man with no friends, agrees to help him learn the area and maybe even agrees to grab a beer.  Suddenly, the facade is stripped away and it is revealed that this is not a kindly old man with platonic, grandfatherly interest.  It is, in fact, a dirty old man who finds her attractive.

Unsure how to diffuse the situation, she warily agrees to uphold her end of the bargain and goes to get this beer.  Upon arrival, she learns that he is older than creepy, married, and has children older than her parents.

Does she flee?  Does she grab her bag and haul ass to the door?  Of course not.  Instead, she has another beer.  Before long, her head is swimming and she’s utterly discombobulated.

The evening ends with a twist.  Tune in tomorrow for updates.

A Lifetime movie?  A CBS movie of the week?  No.  Just a Friday night in the life of Kari.  Creepy old man?  Check.   Silly young woman?  Check.  Woman who is utterly unaware of the obvious plot?  Check.  You’d think by now I’d learn, wouldn’t you?  Sigh.

Stay tuned for updates.

Just wanted to make sure my countdown clock stayed near the top!  We’re so close to Tony Day!