June 15th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Be still my beating heart….. Warning: Some less than charming comments within!
Hello all. At the suggestion of a friend, I have recently posted an online personal ad. The ad read as follows:
Woman, 25, slowly slipping into the malaise of unexplored youth, seeks man – preferably emotionally or geographically unavailable – to keep my overly involved father off my slowly bending back. Must have high sperm count as children required by my family in the next five years. I don’t want to talk about my feelings and I sure as hell don’t want to talk about yours.
I have collected the responses this ad garnered in just its first 36 hours. Some are interesting. Some are offensive. Some are funny. Some are down right sad. All are a touch amusing.
To protect the not-so-innocent, I have XXXd out the names and email addresses. Everything else is as I found it. I thought you might appreciate taking a look:
- Hey, you around tonight>? INTERESTING post
- What would you like to know of myself? Can I know a little about you? are you here in the springs? XXXX
- interested.. XXXX
- would a 22 yr old with 9 inches interest you for a friend with benefits and maybe more?
- let me get this straight your looking for a man to put on a show with you for your father, and to get you pregnant? no strings nothing else involved huh well if your down with an older guy (38) who can give you all you want and nothing more get back to me
- Wow, I don’t know about your ad, am I interested in even learning about you? but there is that side of me that says….”she is spicy and sassy” well I could do that I think. so Why don’t you be just a bit more honest. Dad bending your back?? do you really think you’re ready to settle down??(I am) what do you look for in a person? I am very serious so if you would like to at least explore what is out there then great, there is nothing to loose – at worst we don’t click and that will be it. I hope to hear back from you. – XXXX
- Hi, I'm a single white guy and been so for the past three years. I've already graduated college and have a job, got my own place and whatnot so life's pretty stable. I live clean and don't drink much, if at all, and I don't smoke but don't mind if others do. I think i fit your criteria. If you're interested give me a reply. I've also attached my most recent photo. I'm blonde though it doesn't show in the photo because of the lighting. –XXXXX
- Why don’t you tell your dad your a lesbian and get on with your life?
- sounds great i dont even have feelings. not sure about sperm count but i could probably help get your father off your back. If interested e-mail me at XXXXXXX@comcast.net
- What the hell? Are you just asking for a sperm donor?
- So what's up then? I don't need a emotional support in my life just someone to hang with and see where it goes. And the reason I know my count is high is because I had it tested due to a old relationship but that's another story. So if your willing to take a chance hit me up who knows Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
- Give me a shot I think I can give you what you want! If your really looking give me a mail back and I tell you anything you want to know. I do have a high sperm count! Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
- would it be easier to tell dear old dad to get off your back
- Hi there, I am not sure I understand your posting on CL. Is your father pressuring you into getting married? I did not understand the geographically unavailable part! I am 35, 6ft, 200lb, cleancut, drug and disease free and am enclosing my picture. I would love to chat to you more about what you are looking for. Best wishes, -XXXX
- haha……you definitely dont lack honesty!!!
- I like your post!
- Damn, I do like the honesty!
- Wow you are just perfect. Lets go get married tomorrow. … NOT
- you know i really like your profile. i understand what you mean when you say you don’t want totalk about your feelings or mind. i could really get to like someone like you. maybe we can chat sometime. you can find me on yahoo messenger at screenname XXXXX. let me know if you’re interested.
- Hi, saw your posting. Just wanted some more info and maybe a pic
- So if I get your ad right you are basically looking for friends with benefits and want kids out of it am I correct or misunderstood? XXXX
- something fun for your honesty. men are emotionally unavailable normally, and are geographically unavailable due to their penchant for fishing, hunting, snowboarding, motorcycling or any number of other activities they use to spend their time on when not sitting on a couch drinking beer. these can be used as the excuse for the reason your over involved father never gets to meet said man. on the rare occasion you do see the man he may rub your slowly bending back. most men will brag to you about their sperm count, but as they are mostly interested in the occasional BJ and NOT geting you pregnant this will most likely prove irrelevant. will your family be screening potential candidates at amedical facility for this? It is also nice to say you don’t want to talk about your feelings. no man will believe it wether or not he cares. most will not. his buddies will have told him over and over he must try to not come across as an emotional cripple an (gasp) ask you things. this usually makes it no farther than how was work, school, whatever ( sigh of relief). now he is free to was your time talking about his own mindless concerns. which we both know you don’t want to hear about either.
- r u for real?
- Well, I saw your post, and I thought I would respond. I'm 24, living in Denver (so semi-geographically unavailable), 5 ft 6 inches tall, average build. I have to say the honesty in your post was/is refreshing, so I thought I would do likewise. I am single, though that wasn't always the case - and to be honest - my ex still messes me up (so, I'm sort of unavailable emotionally to a degree). Right now I agree with you totally - feelings are over-rated. as far as youth goes - yeah, it's hard to realize what it was until it's gone. To be totally honest, I'm not sure what to say at this point, I guess this is the point where I offer to meet for coffee, or drinks or something. I'll close with saying that honesty seems to have largely been removed from our society - so it's nice to see it. If you choose to respond, cool. if not, thats okay too. –XXXX
- Okay, I am interested. I'd love to hear from you, to learn where we begin. XXXX
- Hi, I have to say that this is the most interesting posting I have ever read. Sounds like the fam. is giving you one hell of a time. I’d love to know more. XXXX
- Hola, sounds interesting tell me more.
I tried to keep the spelling and context as close to the original as possible. I was afraid too much editing might throw off the initial impression. Enjoy them! I’d love to hear your thoughts on these folks…..
This entry was posted on Friday, June 15th, 2007 at 5:25 pm and is filed under General, Relationships.
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hehehehe YES!!!! See Kari, this is why you kick ass. You like to screw with people almost as much as I do!
June 15th, 2007 at 5:52 pmIt’s been said before, but I’ll say it again–some people can’t take a joke.
On the other hand, I am loving the semi-geographically available man from Denver…he meets the qualifications and he didn’t ask you if you were serious.
June 15th, 2007 at 6:46 pmI like the guy from Denver also. I think he sounds fun. I understand that this was a joke but you should totally call the guy from Denver. He sounds like he would be fun. Go for it.
June 16th, 2007 at 8:44 amYeah, but the Denver guy is too short for you, he’s only 5′6″! He does sound like the best of the crop, though. Gods…I can’t believe you got that many replies, and that many SERIOUS ones! You are a crazy crazy pumpernickle bean.
June 16th, 2007 at 1:58 pmI love you Kari.
You have this rapier wit and spunk that slices through people (In a good way!!!!) and they don’t even realize it!!! Oh, To be around if and when any of those *ahem*, gentlemen, *ahem* realize what’s what. ROFL!!! However….I kind of agree…the Denver guy might be worth checking out 
June 17th, 2007 at 5:39 amOk, other then the BJ part I perfer the guy above Denver. He is honest and witty plus he uses rather big words that would seem somewhat impressive had he left out that one little part. I think you should respond to the occasional quirky ones and see what happens. Just remember to meeyt in a well lit public place with friedns you know ( sorry the Mom part jumped in when I wasn;’t looking)
June 17th, 2007 at 8:23 amSqueaky,
June 17th, 2007 at 10:02 amSo glad you like the posting! Happy to share my thoughts with those who appreciate them!
I agree with your Mama-meet some of these guys in clean well-lighted places-maybe coffee houses across from police stations. And then maybe you’ll meet a handsome young cop if the date doesn’t work out. It’s a twofer!
June 17th, 2007 at 1:42 pmI also enjoy the man from denver. Makes the most sense. Let me know (hasn’t worked yet, but who knows?) if you ever feel a little bit of the flu coming on!
June 18th, 2007 at 4:50 pmDamn that was you!!!!! S#!T!!! I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!!! DANG.*wink wink* *nudge nudge*
Lij
June 19th, 2007 at 11:15 pm